Heather Vs. Positivity

Not to come off as too negative, but sometimes those happy, positive memes people post on social media really bug me.  Now the people I know who post these things are good, decent people whom I like and respect, so instead of going all ballistic in the comment box and making myself look like some sort of toxic hater, I try to accept the thought in the spirit in which it was given, which I suppose would be that this person cares about his/her friends and is hoping to give everyone's spirits a little boost today.   That is about the best that a negative leaning person like me can do.  You're welcome.

The meme pictured below, however, bugs me even more than usual.  It's shown up on my wall a few times, usually because a friend of a friend liked it, or tagged someone I know with it and so naturally Facebook puts it at the top of my news feed.



Now, if you just read the headings in each color box, it seems fairly reasonable.  Sure, the wording in number 1 is a bit odd, but one assumes it means be honest and don't say hurtful things.  However if you take a look at the smaller text, that's when it starts to get weird.

Number 1 says: "Be Impeccable With Your Word"
                          a. "Speak with integrity"  ok,  no problem here.
                          b. "Say only what you mean," still okay
                          c. "Avoid using The Word to speak against yourself or gossip about others"  Umm...I get what they're saying here, but I thought The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.
                          d. "Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love."  Again, I see what they're saying, and again strange, religious sounding use of "Word."

Number 2 says: "Don't take anything personally."  Hmm...
                          a. "Nothing others do is because of you."  Wait a minute.  Lets stop and think about this.  I would agree that not everything other people do is about you, but nothing?  So if your husband brings you flowers, he did not do that because of you.  If your little girl hugs you, also not because of you.  And if that pedestrian you hit with your car while you were driving drunk sues you, that is definitely not because of you.
                          b. "What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream."   What????  This sounds like a great way to abdicate any responsibility you might have towards others.  I mean, if we're all walking around in our own dream then why does it matter what we do at all?   Why even bother with all that integrity stuff in box number 1?  So when your neighbor comes over and tells you that your kid hit a ball through his living room window, just point out that it only happened in his reality, not yours.
                         c. "When you are immune to the actions and opinions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."  The problem with everything in box number 2 is that they are telling you to protect yourself from feeling bad by cutting yourself off from everyone else.  It is one thing to not be overly influenced by the opinions of others, nor do you want to let obnoxious or abusive people hurt you, but these statements don't make any such distinctions.  The statements simply discuss "others," which seems to mean everyone else in the world.  Another problem is the idea that we ought to be able to shut off our own feelings.  Emotions are kind of an involuntary thing, trying to not have emotions about something is like trying to touch a hot stove and not feel pain.  What we control is how we act on our emotions.  For example, if I'm angry do I punch a hole in the wall, or do I take a brisk walk around the block to calm down?"   Someone trying to follow this advice might feel like they are at fault for feeling unhappy about something when they should be "immune" to it.

On to box number 3: "Don't make assumptions."
                         a. "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want"  ok.
                         b. "Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama."  Nothing wrong with clear communication, but some people are going to misunderstand and be upset no matter how clear you are.
                         c. "With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."  Please refer to the above comment.

And finally box number 4: "Always do your best."
                          a.  "Your best is going to change from moment to moment: it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick"  Always do your best, unless you can't, and then just call it your best.
                          b. "Under any circumstance just do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse, and regret."  It is important to recognize that there are certain things that are outside our control, and that we shouldn't blame ourselves for those things.  But just being aware of that fact doesn't stop us from having feelings of guilt or regret.  It seems a bit much to promise that.

So why am I making such a big thing about something that most people are going to glance at only briefly as they scroll down their facebook pages?   Because it bothers me.  It bothers me that people don't take the time to look at what something actually means.  It's got bright colors and it's happy sounding so let's post!  It bothers me because like a lot of new age-y things it looks like it's all about being nice, positive, and upbeat,  but when you look more closely it seems to be telling us that self-absorption is the only way to happiness.

By the way, if you didn't like this post, please remember that is only a reflection of my own reality.