Pictures from My Travel Day

Here are some (mostly) silly pictures I got while on my way to Saint Louis yesterday.  They are the ones I wanted to include in my email about the first day to my family.  I'm not rewriting the email, so here are the pictures with semi- explanatory captions.

Thank you, Mexican soccer team for causing a long baggage line and making my plane leave late!  They clearly weren't even thinking of me. All they wanted was to get their players, staff, and equipment back home. Jerks!  Sorry no photos of real soccer players.  First, I'm not good at stealth photos, second it was mostly staff  ( they were all in Mexico track suits) and third I don't know what any of the players actually look like.  I saw some big athletic guys around, but I couldn't be sure they were real team members or just Hispanic guys who work out a lot.

One of these and an audio book are all I need to entertain me on a flight.  Unless it's a flight over the ocean, then I guess it would be kind of boring.

There was no time to get something to eat in Phoenix (thank you Mexican soccer team!) , so I had to buy something on the plane.  A five dollar bagel?!? That is delightful!

Above Oklahoma.  Some of the fields are circular for some reason.  So the ground looks like a huge game of Connect Four.  My New Mexico picture was just a brown blur.  Which may be an accurate discription of New Mexico.

Just about to land! Look a river! Might be the Mississippi, but I'm not sure.  Got all turned around in the airport and lost my sense of direction. I bet Dad knows!

The first thing I saw that was distinctly mid-westy.  All the bathrooms are tornado shelters.  It's hard to imagine everyone in the airport fitting into the bathrooms, but who knows?

As you know, I spent some time sight seeing, but those pictures are on Facebook so you can see them there.  And that is it for the first day of my Middle West holiday. I haven't taken
any pictures today,  but tomorrow I will send some of the hockey arena and more of the arch.  Cause Saint Louis! Come see our giant metal thing!

Things at the Store That Make Me Laugh: Easter Edition

Just when you think that the Star Wars merchandising is finally starting to die down...

What We've Been Reading: "Momo" by Michael Ende

Not to sound like a hipster, but you've probably never heard of it.  The only reason that I have is because of my exchange year in Germany.  My German teacher didn't know quite what to do with me since my German language skills weren't good enough to keep up with the literature the rest of the class was reading, so she gave me a stack of children's books to read, among them was Momo, by Michael Ende (best known in the U.S. for The Never Ending Story).   I remember that I enjoyed the book, and that my host siblings were delighted that I was reading it and couldn't wait to show me the film version, which I also enjoyed.  But in the years since then I forgot about the book, until the sight of a bald man in a grey suit on a TV show we were watching jogged my memory, and I began hunting for an English translation for my children.

Momo is set in a sleepy Italian town in the mid-twentieth century.  The title character is a homeless orphan girl who arrives one day and takes up residence in the ruins of a Roman coliseum.  Charmed by the mysterious girl's kindness and her ability to listen patiently to anyone's problems,  the people who live nearby all agree to  contribute to Momo's care, even though they are poor and just barely getting by themselves.  The neighborhood children soon discover that Momo has a gift for coming up with wonderful games of make believe, and soon she has lots of friends.  Life in the unnamed town is simple and happy until the Men in Grey appear.  These strange men begin visiting the townspeople one by one, convincing them of the need to work harder and to stop wasting time on unimportant things.  But rather than helping the people of the town to be more efficient, the Grey Men are stealing away their spare time, leaving them with time only for work and nothing left for the joy of friends and family.  It falls to Momo, the only one in town not caught up in the time saving craze, to find a way to stop the Grey Men and restore the people of the town to the way they were.

As you can probably tell, the book is a sort of fable about the perils of materialism, about what people lose when they become too caught up in the pursuit of progress and efficiency.  But the story is told in such a charming way, and with such likable characters that you don't feel like you're being hit in the face with a message.  The book is almost completely non-violent, with no fighting and no deaths.  There is some mild menacing behavior (resulting in what is probably the slowest chase scene in all of fiction), but the danger is mostly of a spiritual nature.

This book is appropriate for independent readers about 10 and up (and I do mean "up." My teens all enjoyed it)  If you're reading out loud, I'd guess about 7, maybe younger, as long as they are able to pay attention to a longer story that takes multiple sittings.

Heather Vs. Positivity

Not to come off as too negative, but sometimes those happy, positive memes people post on social media really bug me.  Now the people I know who post these things are good, decent people whom I like and respect, so instead of going all ballistic in the comment box and making myself look like some sort of toxic hater, I try to accept the thought in the spirit in which it was given, which I suppose would be that this person cares about his/her friends and is hoping to give everyone's spirits a little boost today.   That is about the best that a negative leaning person like me can do.  You're welcome.

The meme pictured below, however, bugs me even more than usual.  It's shown up on my wall a few times, usually because a friend of a friend liked it, or tagged someone I know with it and so naturally Facebook puts it at the top of my news feed.



Now, if you just read the headings in each color box, it seems fairly reasonable.  Sure, the wording in number 1 is a bit odd, but one assumes it means be honest and don't say hurtful things.  However if you take a look at the smaller text, that's when it starts to get weird.

Number 1 says: "Be Impeccable With Your Word"
                          a. "Speak with integrity"  ok,  no problem here.
                          b. "Say only what you mean," still okay
                          c. "Avoid using The Word to speak against yourself or gossip about others"  Umm...I get what they're saying here, but I thought The Word was made flesh and dwelt among us.
                          d. "Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love."  Again, I see what they're saying, and again strange, religious sounding use of "Word."

Number 2 says: "Don't take anything personally."  Hmm...
                          a. "Nothing others do is because of you."  Wait a minute.  Lets stop and think about this.  I would agree that not everything other people do is about you, but nothing?  So if your husband brings you flowers, he did not do that because of you.  If your little girl hugs you, also not because of you.  And if that pedestrian you hit with your car while you were driving drunk sues you, that is definitely not because of you.
                          b. "What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream."   What????  This sounds like a great way to abdicate any responsibility you might have towards others.  I mean, if we're all walking around in our own dream then why does it matter what we do at all?   Why even bother with all that integrity stuff in box number 1?  So when your neighbor comes over and tells you that your kid hit a ball through his living room window, just point out that it only happened in his reality, not yours.
                         c. "When you are immune to the actions and opinions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."  The problem with everything in box number 2 is that they are telling you to protect yourself from feeling bad by cutting yourself off from everyone else.  It is one thing to not be overly influenced by the opinions of others, nor do you want to let obnoxious or abusive people hurt you, but these statements don't make any such distinctions.  The statements simply discuss "others," which seems to mean everyone else in the world.  Another problem is the idea that we ought to be able to shut off our own feelings.  Emotions are kind of an involuntary thing, trying to not have emotions about something is like trying to touch a hot stove and not feel pain.  What we control is how we act on our emotions.  For example, if I'm angry do I punch a hole in the wall, or do I take a brisk walk around the block to calm down?"   Someone trying to follow this advice might feel like they are at fault for feeling unhappy about something when they should be "immune" to it.

On to box number 3: "Don't make assumptions."
                         a. "Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want"  ok.
                         b. "Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama."  Nothing wrong with clear communication, but some people are going to misunderstand and be upset no matter how clear you are.
                         c. "With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."  Please refer to the above comment.

And finally box number 4: "Always do your best."
                          a.  "Your best is going to change from moment to moment: it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick"  Always do your best, unless you can't, and then just call it your best.
                          b. "Under any circumstance just do your best, and you will avoid self judgement, self-abuse, and regret."  It is important to recognize that there are certain things that are outside our control, and that we shouldn't blame ourselves for those things.  But just being aware of that fact doesn't stop us from having feelings of guilt or regret.  It seems a bit much to promise that.

So why am I making such a big thing about something that most people are going to glance at only briefly as they scroll down their facebook pages?   Because it bothers me.  It bothers me that people don't take the time to look at what something actually means.  It's got bright colors and it's happy sounding so let's post!  It bothers me because like a lot of new age-y things it looks like it's all about being nice, positive, and upbeat,  but when you look more closely it seems to be telling us that self-absorption is the only way to happiness.

By the way, if you didn't like this post, please remember that is only a reflection of my own reality.

The Email I Wish the School Would Send

This past week I got a peppy email from the charter school informing me that we have to do another round of testing this month.   The message was full of words like "exciting" and "dynamic."  The whole tone of it seemed to suggest that our kids are in for a huge treat.  Now, I'm not complaining about having to do the tests.  Well, maybe I am, just a little.  The testing is what we agreed to put up when we decided to sell out and homeschool our kids within the public school system so that we could have access to all that wonderful funding that makes things like music lessons and karate possible.  Mostly what irritates me though is the way the school tries so hard to sell the testing to us.  I understand that they are trying to put things in a positive light, and I also understand that the state of California is watching what they do, but just once I wish they would send out a testing letter like this:

Dear Families,

We regret to inform you that another round of testing is coming up next week.  We deeply apologize for the inconvenience this will no doubt cause you.  We know that as homeschoolers, every school day is precious, that you would like to spend every day that is free of dentist appointments or projectile vomiting on working on your chosen curriculum, or going on fun field trips.  We also understand that at this time of year,  when many families have fallen behind where they would like to be with their schoolwork and are struggling to get caught up, it is a huge nuisance to have to drop everything and fall even more behind while the children waste time on a test that is meaningless if you're not teaching common core (and we know most of you aren't, in spite of what our home page might say).  We know the frustration you must feel because you've only just gotten back into your school routine after just coming back from Christmas vacation.  In spite of all that we hope you will bear with us this necessary evil that keeps our school going, and encourage your children to do the best they can so that we can keep those instructional funds coming to you.

To show our appreciation,  we will be giving you parents free trips to Tahiti over the summer.  We know you need it.

Sincerely,

Some School Administrator

How to Make a Jesse Tree (for the craft and planning impaired)

Here is how I made this felt Jesse Tree for Advent.  It was a little time consuming, but well worth the effort!  (Thanks to my daughter for the photo and explaining the internet to me).

Step 1.   Look through Mom blogs, even if doing so fills you with feelings of sadness and inadequacy, until you find a Jesse Tree project that seems to be at your skill level and does not require any really expensive materials.  I suggest this one.

Step 2.  Forget to buy the felt, and make the project with construction paper instead, because you've got a huge stack of it anyway.  Promise yourself you'll do it the right way next year.

Step 3.  Next year buy the felt and work frantically to get the last ornament done before bedtime on Christmas Eve.  Since you can't find your glue gun, use craft glue which doesn't actually work on felt so that bits keep falling off the ornaments.  Try not to lose the bits.  Promise yourself that next year you'll get a glue gun and fix the ornaments, cause you're sure as heck not cutting out all that felt again.

Step 4.  Next year, discover that you have somehow lost the ornaments.  Throw up your hands in disgust and go eat some of the chocolate you got for your kids' stockings.  Don't worry.  You can buy more later.

Step 5.  Next year buy some more felt and and a brand new glue gun. Start the ornaments over again.  But only make five before you and your whole family catch colds.  Promise yourself you'll do the rest next year.

Step 6.  Get our your felt and your glue gun and then forget to start work on the project until five days into advent.  Make a few more ornaments.  When your twelve year old daughter (who was six in step one) asks to help, hand the whole thing over to her.  After all, she enjoys messing around with felt and glue guns way more than you.  She'll have it done in a few hours.

Step 7.  Use duct tape to stick the felt banner which will hold the ornaments to the wall, because if you have to go out and buy a dowel to make a proper hanger, it will be another year.

Step 8.  Your Jesse Tree is done, and you still have a few years to enjoy it before your kids go to college!


Now to spend the next seven years knitting a sweater for my husband!

Note to Mom Bloggers:  I'm just kidding!  Any feelings of sadness and inadequacy I might experience are 100 percent my own issues, and not a result of your blogging.

What We're Reading

Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder

I decided to start reading out loud to the kids again this year.  We got out of the habit of reading out loud as our two youngest children grew older and more proficient at reading on their own.  However, I decided to make reading out loud part of our school day.  Partly because my son is not a particularly enthusiastic reader so I want to expose him to literature and language he might not get to on his own, and partly because I hope to brighten up our school day a little.


And so we began our school year with "Farmer Boy" by Laura Ingalls Wilder.  I chose this book for several reasons.  First, as the title suggests, it's about a boy, which I thought might make it more appealing to my son.  Second, we are studying U.S. history this year (although we don't restrict ourselves to literature about the time period we're studying).  And third, Laura uses fairly clear, straightforward language which I hope will make listening easier for my son.


"Farmer Boy" is the only one of the Little House books that is not about the Ingalls family.  Rather it tells the story of her husband Almanzo's boyhood.  Unlike Laura, Almanzo spent most of his childhood living on his family's farm.  And although the time period of the book is a little later, it still gives us a good idea of what early American life was like.  Later this year, it will contrast nicely with "Little House on the Prairie," when we study the westward expansion.
As with the other books in the series, "Farmer Boy" is not one long story, but a series of stories set into the framework of one year in Almanzo's life.  Some are funny, some suspenseful, many just sketches of what ordinary life was like.  My kids particularly enjoyed the bits about how the schoolteacher dealt with the class bully,  and what happened when Almanzo gave his pig candy (it seemed like a good idea at the time!)
Overall, I found the book fairly easy to read out loud.  As I said before, the author uses clear and simple language.  However she does sometimes go into some highly descriptive passages, such as how to build a bobsled, which can get a little tedious, and I suspect is difficult for the kids to follow.  Other than that, the kids and I have really been enjoying it, and my older teenage daughter even sits in when she has the time. 

What We're Doing This Year

This year I'm homeschooling three kids who are in 6th, 7th, and 11th grades.  After doing some reading and listening to some talks given at homeschool conventions I decided to make a few changes to how we do things. 

First of all, I've decided to try out something called "Morning Time."  I first read about it in "Teaching From Rest" and Cindy Rollins writes a great deal about it on her blog.  Basically, the idea of morning time is to set aside a certain amount of time each school day to things you would like to do, but that often get lost in the push to get through all the "core subjects."  For example, things like poetry, art and music appreciation, and literature. Cindy Rollins and Sarah Mackenzie both have detailed descriptions of what they do for morning time on their blogs, but it really can be anything you want.  Any subjects or activities that you would like to give more time to. 

We are just starting out with morning time, and so I may be trying different things.  I stole a few ideas from Cindy Rollins, such as reading Shakespeare and doing grammar activities, but I have tried to come up with some ideas of my own as well.

Here is what we are doing for morning time:
 Every day: Catechism, memory work (mostly poetry, but also excerpts from speeches or literature)
Once or twice a week:  art and music appreciation, geography, history, Shakespeare, literature, grammar.

I've set aside ninety minutes for morning time, although we usually seem to get it done in an hour.

Morning time is something that takes a little getting used to. For years, our school days have followed a basic subject/break/subject/break pattern.  So it seems a little odd to jump from one subject to another.  I think my son considers it unfair, as though we are breaking some sort of rule.  You can't just go from geography to grammar like that!  However, as we have keep going with it, we are gradually becoming more comfortable with the pattern, and maybe even learning to enjoy it.

We spend the rest of the morning on math and English.  My husband gets home from work around lunchtime.  He teaches the kids science and Latin in the afternoon.

Things are a little different with my 11th grader.  She is taking classes at a community college this semester.   Since her classes take up so much of her time, she and I are only doing school together on Monday morning, where I give her assignments for the week, and on Friday morning, when we go over her work.  In addition to her college classes, we are doing European history, life science, and algebra.  If all goes well, she'll be finishing her high school math at the college next year.

Can We Accept What He is Sending Us Today?

This is the question Sarah McKenzie asks at the end of the first chapter of her book, Teaching from Rest: A Homeschooler's Guide to Unshakable Peace.  I don't read very many homeschool books anymore.  Probably because most of them are geared towards people just starting out or still making up their minds.  Sarah's book, however, is one that speaks to any homeschooler, and says some things that we all need to hear:  those who are just beginning to homeschool and those who've been homeschooling for a long time.

Homeschooling from Rest is not a how-to book on homeschooling, rather it is about how we should approach our homeschooling regardless of the particular methods we might use.  We homeschool moms have a tendency to get caught up in "getting things done," or as the author puts it, "checking off boxes."  We worry about finishing the sixth grade book by the end of the school year, we worry about whether our children are working at grade level, we worry about what the neighbors will think.  All these cares and worries are perfectly understandable, but they cause us to lose sight of what drew us to homeschool in the first place: raising our children to know, love and serve God.

In a previous post, I wrote about the idyllic image of homeschooling I had when I first started out, and while some of my expectations were kind of silly or unrealistic, the main thing that I was thinking about in that image was peace.  A peaceful family life in which we all pursue what is good, true and beautiful.  Over the years, there have been moments when we have come close to that, but all too often, our homeschooling was much less about truth and beauty than it was about getting things done because I felt like we had to.  In her book, Sarah writes that the first step to peace is acceptance.   Instead of being frustrated by the interruptions and disruptions that slow down our progress, we should recognize that these things are being sent by God, and look at them as an opportunity to serve God and our family.

So this week I am working on the question of whether I can accept what God is sending me.  Granted, we're on summer vacation and I don't have to worry about falling behind on school work, but summer is the time when I try to get household projects done, and I'm sure there will be  plenty of interruptions to slow that done.  Learning to accept that will be good practice for when we start up school again.  I hope.

I have a tendency to swallow books whole.  I get excited about a new book and read it much to fast.  When I first bought Teaching from Rest I read it in two hours.  The trouble is after tearing through a book the content doesn't stick with me for very long.  So I actually bought the companion journal, even though I usually think of those things as kind of goofy.  I will be going through the book slowly with the journal, and will also leave some notes about it here.  So that hopefully some things from the book will stick with me.  Also, it gives me something to blog about for a few weeks. ;)

Random Thoughts for the Week

Random thought number 1:  The closer we get to the end of our school year, the farther away that end seems to be.  June 13th is our end date, but I don't think it will ever get here.

Random thought number 2: We watched "Raiders of the Lost Ark" last night.   It's a movie that strongly reminds me of my childhood because I somehow talked my Mom into taking me to see it, in spite of all the violence and gross stuff.  It occurred to me as we were watching last night that at the time this movie came out,  the idea of having movies like this one to keep at home and watch whenever one wanted would have been absolutely amazing, yet there I was checking facebook, writing emails and crocheting instead of paying attention.

Random thought number 3: Ever read a text or an email and momentarily find yourself looking for the "like" button?

My Homeschooling Story, Part 1

When my husband and I decided to start homeschooling I was so excited.  I read lots of books and looked at all kinds of homeschool curriculum catalogues.  My favorite book on homeschooling was "Designing Your Own Classical Curriculum," by Laura Berquist.  Partly because it really was full of useful information,  but I think I just liked the title, too.  Something about the words "Classical Curriculum" brought this happy image to my mind.  An image of my family gathered in the living room some evening, older daughter playing on the piano, or maybe the harp,  younger daughter painting (younger daughter was only 1year old at the time, so I must have been imaging us in the future) Older son looking thoughtful as he reads Homer in the original Greek, and younger son reciting lines from Shakespeare for my husband and I. Oh, and did I mention the house was spotless?  And that we were all dressed like Jane Austen characters?

Now, it's not like I was naïve enough to really think that homeschooling would result in such an idyllic home life.  As I said, it was just an image that came to mind.  And even though I knew it was unrealistic, it was still what I was hoping for. 

Of course when I actually began homeschooling it turned out to be messier and much more difficult than I expected.  When we first started, my two youngest children where three years and fifteen months old.  Both were able to entertain themselves for fairly long periods of time, but like most small children, rarely did so when their Mom needed them to.  Some of those homeschooling books that I read had suggestions for how to teach with babies and toddlers around.  I did as one of them suggested and brought their little play table out to the kitchen (which was serving as the schoolroom) and set it up with picture books, blocks, paper and crayons.  Lots of fun things that they loved, so of course that morning they had no interest any of those things.  No sooner had I begun my very first lesson of our very first day of school than Miss Toddler flopped down on the floor and started crying.  Mr. Preschool had no interest in what was on the table either, he just wanted to go out to the living room and watch his shows on Playhouse Disney, like he had always done when his brother and sister had gone to real school.  I ended up teaching school from the kitchen floor while handing blocks to the toddler sitting on my lap.

Meanwhile, the two older children, one second grader and one fifth grader, were definitely not as enthusiastic as I had hoped they would be.  I suppose it must have seemed strange to them, especially the fifth grader, sitting at home being taught by their mother.  For my part, I was surprised by how hard a time I had just trying to explain the assignments I wanted them to do.  Those first couple of months felt like walking knee deep through molasses.  By October we were way behind the spiffy lesson plan I had bought.  By December I had given up even looking at the lesson plan.

But in spite of things not starting off as well as I would have liked,  our family actually was happy with homeschooling.  Our mornings were so much more relaxed.  No more frantic push to get out of the house in time for school with the inevitable hunt for someone's missing shoes or lost homework.  We had more time during the day without all the running back and forth to pick up and drop off from school.  We even started getting to weekday Mass on a regular basis.  And I'm sure my kids didn't miss the hours of homework after dinner every night.

Nine years of homeschooling have not exactly led us the way I expected it would.  Our family life does not look like one of those Regency era paintings, or even one of those watercolors that appear on the covers of certain homeschool catalogs (you know the ones I mean). My daughters may not be playing harp and piano in the drawing room, but they do like to have guitar and violin jam sessions out in the garage (which has become the music room, among other things.) I don't have a painter in the family, but one child has taken to drawing cartoons that make us all laugh.  Neither of my sons have learned to love Homer yet, but one has grown up to be a good, hard working young man, and the other loves nature and the outdoors.  I realize now that what we have accomplished, in spite of all the daily chaos and frustrations, is actually better than what I had first hoped for.  Although we're not as well dressed.

Results not typical.

How I Got My 12 Year Old To Do Math All Summer (and think it was his idea)

When I first began homeschooling,  I read lots of books that promised that it would be great.  That by teaching my kids at home they would develop a love of learning that students in government schools don't.  Now, I'm sure at least some of those books tried warned me that sometimes things won't go so well, but I was too excited at the time to pay any attention.

Years later I have discovered that like all emotions "love of learning" is a capricious thing that comes and goes.  Sure, the kids love learning when they are hunting for interesting bugs in the backyard, or when we're making Viking coins out of Sculpy, but somehow the love of learning has never quite kicked in during work on long division or fractions.  Particularly for my younger son, who for the past year or two has been struggling in math.  And so I resorted to something that I thought I would never do.  Bribery.

You see, the boy likes Legos.  Scratch that, the boy loves Legos.  He likes them so much that he goes on eBay looking for sets and mini-figures.  Then he likes to show me the things he finds on eBay while making sad faces at me.  So I told him he could earn money over the summer by doing math pages.  I printed him a stack of worksheets and told him he'd get a dollar for every five worksheets he finished.  And guess what?  By the end of summer vacation, the boy who was always complaining that math is too hard, takes too long, and is boring was pestering me to print him more math worksheets.  He earned enough to buy one of the Lego figures he wanted, and still has enough to get something else. 

This has worked out well for me.  First of all because now I know that he is perfectly capable of doing math, and that he doesn't have some sort of learning disability.  And secondly, because his math skills have improved significantly.

So when the love of learning just isn't happening,  it's time to use the love of something else as motivation.

Who Am I and Why Am I Doing This?

For the past eight years, I have been homeschooling my four children.  My home is not well organized, I'm terrible at planning, and not particularly good at crafts.  I won't have much to offer the reader about those things, or if I do, it will probably be because I found something on a better blog than this one. Many times over the course of our years of homeschooling, I have had the urge to write down the interesting, funny, or just plain weird things that come up in our lives.  And so today, I begin to share those things with you two or three people who might actually read this.

The blog title, "Parva Domus" comes from a plaque that a friend gave my husband and I for our wedding.  The plaque actually reads "Parva domus, magna quies."  Latin for "small house, great peace."  It hung above our front door for years until it was misplaced in our last move.  The parva domus part at least has always been apt for us (we're still working on the magna quies part).  We do live in a small house with space at a premium, and this can present interesting challenges to homeschooling. 

If there is one thing I hope to accomplish with this blog, it is to show that homeschooling can be done under less than ideal circumstances.